I believe my family is beginning to learn my weaknesses…. I keep walking into the living room to find a new super-cool ducky lying on the floor… Sitting there…. staring me down as if in waiting for me…. WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!
I suppose I’m naive to believe my family will ever change but it’s like no matter what we go through I continue to hold good expectations of them in my mind. It seems that however much I might try to win over their affections I will never truly be a part of this family.. God, I mean I get to feeling like I’m that kid again: the one who was constantly left in the care of my grandparents because a selfish man would throw fits if I desired to be with my immediate family rather than him. I love my paw but it’s always killed me that he was the person who SINGLE-HANDEDLY turned my own mother and siblings away from me-and at such an age. I was always the “favored” one at his house, when I made it known that I wanted to go home I was treated as if it were a bad thing, and then when I was able to finally come home I’d walk in on glares, scowls, and mouths eager to scold. Never. I’ve never felt a part of either household and I’m beginning to feel as if I’ll never get that chance: I’ve always wanted him to understand so he’d at least try to change but he’d simply turn a deaf ear to my every word so I gave up but I don’t want to push that on him now. See, here’s the twist: a little while ago my pawpaw was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. I feel as if the walls are slowly closing in on me. Although I absolutely HATE what he has done I love him. I have tried so many times to become someone who this family might want but never has it been even a possibility. Never. I’ve got my head above the water for now but I can feel myself sinking…
Can anyone gimme advice for adding a profile picture to my tumblr home page..? I’ve been attempting this for two days but technology still abhors me it seems TT.TT
- Pretty Girls:
"Awh, let me warm you up!"
"....... go get a blanket or something."
"You know it’s gonna happen."
"What?" I asked dazedly.
"You and me." he said nonchalantly. "One day, when you’re just laying there beside him…you’re gonna think about me. And I’ll come to you—if you ask…. For all I know, you’ve already thought about it."
As he said this I looked down trying to hide my face…’of course I’d thought about it..I had been in love with him since we were children..’ but I stayed quiet. Unfortunately, my avoided gaze may have been enough of a sign for him. ’Damn, but he knows me too well..’
"I’ve thought about us for years," he continued. I could sense him watching for a reaction beside me.. "All you have to do is ask," he repeated.
With that he gave me that one-of-a-kind smirk and started walking.
What do you say to that..? When you thought you had finally gotten over that person? When your life had started ‘working’ for once..? When you had found someone else?
….What do you do when you’re tempted to take that offer?….